I knew it! Hula-hooping is feck orrrf dangerous! And thattttt’s why I just cannot do it! Self-preservation and all… *big sigh of relief* All this time, all these minutes wasted trying to keep that evil spherical demon up around the buttock area, and I was just endangering my pancreas! Thanks be to the radio this morning and then the terribly smartarsey website I found! Apparently some Chinese dude in Beijing actually had to be admitted to hospital for a twisted intestine after vigorous hula-hooping! Youuuu don’t believe me do you, you nay-sayers!!! This I suspect is because I am probably the only person on the planet that thinks you need a degree in brain surgery before you can operate the hula-hoop… a license too maybe. Stupid hula-hoops *mumble*
I say toss it before you die in a heap with a twisted colon and the poo starts to travel backwards and out your nostrils! You have been warned!
Anyhoo, onto this smartarsey website, there’s apparently lots of arb a.k.a feck off funny syndromes and diseases people can develop because, well… they’re all a few sandwiches short of a picnic I reckon…!
But I digress, how cool would this one be to have:
Alien Hand Syndrome:
This is pretty much where your one hand tends to do things without you being able to control it or even be aware of it! Baha – nose pickers, you have your excuse! You could for example strangle your mother-in-law and get away with it!! “Whhhhhat, I was eating popcorn on the couch! I had no idea my right hand was at my mother-in-laws house 56km’s away strangling her with her own apron!” (Goodness maybe I should put a disclaimer on this post? Nah what the hell…)
It can also manifest itself as another version of this: Dr Lovegood Syndrome. This is where your one hand does the complete opposite of the other hand!
*left hand throws a coin in a fountain and wishes to have an uncontrollable hand*
So if your one hand does up the buttons of your shirt the other will follow and unbutton the um buttons… too funny!
Opens door – Slams door in your face.
Picks booger out of nose – Takes Booger and shoves it back up nose
Punches hula-hoop salesman in nose – Own fist punches ME in the nose (Okay maybe that wouldn’t be so cool!)
Puts make-up on – Wipes make-up off
Pulls pants down to wee – pulls pants up while you’re weeing…
Um…
*right hand catches coin puts it back in pocket*
Shew!