I'll show you where to stick that Zucchini!

Day 4 on diet and I am straight up about to call myself a WHAAAA-mbulance!!

If I read one more article telling me that turnip noodles are just as good as regular noodles, or how much the macros on your carb intake or some such shit should be, I am going to drape my wet boobs over an electric fence! … dude!! What the fuck are macros! They’re in my Excel that’s all I know and I’m a beginner at spreadsheets at best!!

 I don’t know hey, these people do not fuck around. There’s all sorts of calculators and strips that I THINK you pee on, or possibly just blow on to check if you’re at peak fat burn stage… fuck me! Listen, I’m no dope, I am at peak fat burn when my knees are steaming on a treadmill!

Too much research! I am overwhelmed and want a cookie.  One that isn’t made of zucchini!

On another note I get to make cauliflower mac& cheese tonight that has Pretoria’s GDP worth of cheddar innit!  Too exciting!

Also, I tried 2 workouts yesterday instead of the usual one.  I was feeling frisky.

And now I feel like I may be dying. No really, can too much downward dog on a yoga mat actually break your spleen? Asking for a friend…