Disclaimer: This post is completely arb, read at your own peril. Dalekins: Why do you ALWAYS give me the Pear and current fruit bar?
Me: Because you like pears and currents and I don’t?
Dalekins: I heard you say just last night how much you love pears!
Me: You sir are a liar, I do not like pears and currents are like raisins and raisins are from the devils bum so I would never say that.
Dalekins: Luckily I recorded the conversation!
Me: You record our conversations?
Dalekins: Oh yes, for these exact arguments when I need proof?
Me: Proof of what?
Dalekins: That you love pears!
Me: I do NOT love pears.
Dalekins: But you said….! I’ll send you the recording!
Me: *waits for recording*
*listens*
Dalekins in creepy high-pitched-been-kicked-in-the-nuts-voice: “Hi I’m Tash and I just luuuurve pears so very much!”
*goes back to Dalekins voice*
Dalekins: Oh isn’t that lovely, you can have the pear fruit bars then!
*Recording finishes*
Dalekins: And yet!! There it is again! In MY lunchbox, the flipping pear fruit bar!!
Me: *confused face* For the love of all things ungrateful!! I would never say that number one because I don’t fucking LOVE pears, and you make me sound like a drag queen who’s tucked his junk in between his legs! So screw it, from now on you’re getting dry mouldy bread crusts in your lunchbox!!”
Dalekins: Fine! But who doesn’t love pears! Is it because you hate the Cape?
Me: Wha…?
