So it’s Valentines Day on Sunday. Marvellous. Bring on the loot is what I say!
I love Valentines Day… and Easter… and Christmas… I get to satisfy my inner greedy troll and judge my partner’s good deeds throughout the ENTIRE year simply by how much he spoils me on one day!
Gucci…? I may just get into that little French maids uniform for you…
A half melted heart chocolate that you stole off a restaurant table? Oh I’ll still get into the French maids uniform, but you’re getting this feather duster shoved up where the sun don’t shine buddy – feathery side first! *sweet smile*… unless you like that kind of thing *frowns*
Not everyone seems to like Valentines day though. Why is that you ask? Well it’s because they are Valentines day Nazis! If you happen to be aforementioned nazi, you probably hate Christmas too, a Grinch of ginormous proportions. You like ranting in your smug little voice about “Money making rackets” and “why should I celebrate ONE day of giving love to my partner when we love each other… everyday!” This usually elicits the same response from me every time. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag. *throws up in my mouth a little* You suck the joy…
Hallmark hates you.
But for those of you however that are planning on going all out (hiring an aeroplane to fart out “Love ya baby” in the sky) or if you’re planning a more special gift (Taking Cheerios to your partner in bed) Good on ya mate! :)
I will be pushing meatballs around with my nose towards Dalekins... uber romantic I tell ya... (Ensure that meatballs are not piping hot - it's no fun trying to snog when your nose is swollen to 7 times it's size and covered in Germolene)
For you singles out there… take heart. You are gorgeous, and an absolute catch. The only reason you are single is because every time Cupid lands in South Africa to spread his lick-arsey love around, he gets bundled into a black van with tinted windows and gets driven straight to Zuma’s house…
… and sadly, he only has THAT many arrows…
Happy Valentines day all :) *shoves up fingers in V-day salute*